Whether you are single, just starting to date, or have been dating for a while, you may have found yourself trying to fit the qualities that you think another person desires. Maybe you are already aware of some of the qualities, personality, or values that you have changed for another person. You may be looking for some Christian dating advice on how you can keep yourself from compromising who you are in your relationships.
God loves us and He created us (Psalm 139:13), including our deepest desires, personal interests, and unique quirks. In times when we try to fit what we think someone else wants, we compromise the unique and beautiful qualities that God created in us. Sometimes we could even be compromising the ministry desires, which God has placed in our hearts, for the ministry desires of another person. For example, someone could be serving in a church youth group because the person of interest has a heart for children and youth ministry. Sometimes we see another person getting the attention of the people we like. We may find ourselves trying to copy the qualities that we think attracts that special person’s attention. All in all, being rejected hurts less when we have not been reflecting our true qualities anyway.
However, the only person you should try to be like is Jesus Christ. He has the qualities that will transform you and draw people close to you. Of course, your motivation to be like Christ should not be because you want to date, but the natural transformation in seeking God will draw people to you. May I also add that being like Christ does not involve our own human efforts; it is a genuine transformation that happens through our lifetime when we pursue Christ. When we develop our relationship with God, we experience His character and His love for us. Our hearts are touched and transformed by His grace and we begin to understand how He views us and what His plan is for our lives.
I want to encourage anyone reading this to seek God at all times, whether single, starting to date, or in a serious dating relationship. When you seek a relationship with God, first, you get to know His perspective of you. Then, your relationship with your Maker and His view of you becomes the main identity of who you are. Take the steps to recognize (as well as abide in) God’s presence, and seek a deeper relationship with Him. These steps will help ensure that you do not compromise your identity in Him to a person you are interested in. Your relationship with God and His view of you should be so unbreakable that it would be difficult to compromise who you are in Christ.
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:16-19 (NIV)
