Are you wondering if it’s God’s will that you should marry the person you are dating? This article will try to give you some Christian advice on how to decide on marriage and how long to wait before making that decision.

The first and foremost thing you should do is pray. If you have made a commitment to pursuing a relationship with God, I hope that you already spend regular time in prayer and seeking His guidance for your life. If you do not regularly pray or are not sure how to seek God, it is not too late to start. As John Piper puts it, ‘seeking God’ means seeking His presence. I encourage you to click on the link above and read this short article before moving on. It may help you in seeking God’s will for you in the spouse area.

The second thing to do is to ask God for spiritual discernment so that you can make a wise decision about marriage. The marriage covenant is a binding commitment and should be taken seriously by Christians (Malachi 2:14; Hebrews 13:4). We need to have God’s discernment both in who to date, who to make a marriage commitment with, as well as how long to wait before being married. I believe that the decision process toward marriage can start right away, at the start of a dating relationship. I recommend waiting a while before making the final decision, but the clues towards the decision can be collected from the start of a dating relationship. Each person is different. Some people wear their heart (good and bad qualities) on their sleeve, so it’s much quicker to get to know them, while some people can be closed and you may only know good qualities about them for a long time. Most of us have, at least, some struggles. If you only know good qualities about your dating partner, do not proceed to the marriage commitments before getting to know, at least some, negative qualities. All things can be worked out when two people have committed themselves to loving each other, but the point of dating is to avoid the surprises. It can be so hurtful to discover a negative past or awful quality about another person after a marriage commitment is made, especially if you take the marriage bond seriously.

It is also wise to seek out the spiritual counsel of mature Christian friends or leaders that you know, preferably those people that know both you and your partner well. Involve them from the start of your relationship so that, once the marriage decisions begin, it would be easier for your Christian mentors to give knowledgeable advice. Aside from accountability, involving these people can be very helpful in seeing your relationship in a Christian perspective, minus all the emotions.

So, the answer to how to make a decision for marriage and how long to wait before making that decision can be a summarized like this: seek God, seek Godly discernment throughout the dating process (bearing in mind that the marriage bond is serious), and involve spiritually mature Christians. Above all, seek God and pursue a relationship with Him first.

Are you in a dating relationship and finding yourself in a cycle of more and more physical contact? I mean the physical contact that leads to and includes premarital sex. The problem is that not many Christians talk openly about these issues. These struggles happen more often than we want to think or admit and many are looking for some Christian dating advice on this subject.

Some of us have been blessed with circumstances and people in our lives that create a less tempting environment around us. One circumstance can be the family we grew up in. For example, fathers. Some of us have Christian fathers, while others of us have unbelieving fathers or no fathers at all. I would hope most Christian fathers understand their role in God’s perspective. A father’s job is to reflect God’s love for His children; he should be a source of God’s blessing, love, and protection for them.

You’re probably wondering why I am bringing up Christian fathers when I should be talking about premarital sex. Before I go into premarital sex, I want you to think about some things, including whether you have had a Godly father figure in your life. If you have, great! If you haven’t, don’t be disappointed. The good news is that all of us have access to a perfect Father in heaven, and our worldly circumstances just mean that we may struggle with conceiving our heavenly Father’s character, His thoughts and His plans for us. In addition to fathers, consider other circumstances or people that have had an influence in your life (for example, aspects of your family life, what you watch on TV, whether you have spiritually mature Christian friends/mentors, and whether you have engaged in worldly dating before coming to Christ).

Now you may be thinking, “Get to the point! Why are you talking about circumstances and people of influence in my life?” I want to say that circumstances and people of influence have a huge role in how you view God and yourself, and the decisions you make as a result of that view; this includes why you and your dating partner were lead to make the choices you have made in your relationship. If you are in a cycle of more and more physical contact with your dating partner, chances are that you both need to sit down and set some physical boundaries. Think about any impure choices made with your dating partner. Then, consider the things that serve as dangers or safeguards for temptations for doing those things again. In considering the circumstances and people in your life, I hope you can see where to set physical boundaries between yourself and your dating partner. For example, one of you may have engaged in premarital sex in the past, and a simple kiss can easily get you in the mood to go further. The boundary you may want to set is only allowing kissing each other’s faces (and not lips), or not kissing at all. Seeking out a mature Christian friend or leader in the church, who can provide accountability and guidance for you, is also a wise step to take. I encourage both partners to seek out a spiritually mature role model (or mentor) of the same sex, one that you can be honest with.

Let me finish by saying God loves you. You are His child, and there is no condemnation when you humbly come to Him for forgiveness. Forgive yourself also, and let His love and grace transform your life.

But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 1 Corinthians 6:11 (NIV)

Whether you are single, just starting to date, or have been dating for a while, you may have found yourself trying to fit the qualities that you think another person desires. Maybe you are already aware of some of the qualities, personality, or values that you have changed for another person. You may be looking for some Christian dating advice on how you can keep yourself from compromising who you are in your relationships.

God loves us and He created us (Psalm 139:13), including our deepest desires, personal interests, and unique quirks. In times when we try to fit what we think someone else wants, we compromise the unique and beautiful qualities that God created in us. Sometimes we could even be compromising the ministry desires, which God has placed in our hearts, for the ministry desires of another person. For example, someone could be serving in a church youth group because the person of interest has a heart for children and youth ministry. Sometimes we see another person getting the attention of the people we like. We may find ourselves trying to copy the qualities that we think attracts that special person’s attention. All in all, being rejected hurts less when we have not been reflecting our true qualities anyway.

However, the only person you should try to be like is Jesus Christ. He has the qualities that will transform you and draw people close to you. Of course, your motivation to be like Christ should not be because you want to date, but the natural transformation in seeking God will draw people to you. May I also add that being like Christ does not involve our own human efforts; it is a genuine transformation that happens through our lifetime when we pursue Christ. When we develop our relationship with God, we experience His character and His love for us. Our hearts are touched and transformed by His grace and we begin to understand how He views us and what His plan is for our lives.

I want to encourage anyone reading this to seek God at all times, whether single, starting to date, or in a serious dating relationship. When you seek a relationship with God, first, you get to know His perspective of you. Then, your relationship with your Maker and His view of you becomes the main identity of who you are. Take the steps to recognize (as well as abide in) God’s presence, and seek a deeper relationship with Him. These steps will help ensure that you do not compromise your identity in Him to a person you are interested in. Your relationship with God and His view of you should be so unbreakable that it would be difficult to compromise who you are in Christ.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:16-19 (NIV)

Does the bible give any Christian dating advice? Not really. Is there a biblical perspective on dating? Of course there is.

The bible doesn’t mention the word dating, and dating has been a culturally-set practice. In the bible we can read clues about the dating culture at that time. In short, fathers were involved in giving their daughters away to marriage. What happens before that can vary in each marriage. For example, some daughters may have had a friendship that developed into interest, before asking the father for permission for marriage; some daughters were introduced to the eligible bachelor and a series of cultural events may have taken place. I think the dating scene has similar dating practices, even today.

The first biblical perspective that I think most of you have heard before is to keep ourselves pure and to flee from sexual immorality (1 Timothy 5:22; 1 Cor. 6:18-20). This means making the necessary boundaries that may help us not be faced with temptation.

Another biblical perspective is that Christian’s should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (Corinthians 6:14-16). A friendship is less intimate with different degrees of intimacy, whether Christian or not. I also want to add that we can be vessels of God’s love to people that God places in our life. However, we should never do missionary dating. I can say that it is one of the hardest things that I have ever agreed to. My spiritual maturity and emotions were on a rollercoaster. It was so hard to keep my focus on God’s purpose and plan for my life, while being with someone with a worldly perspective on life. I wanted to break free but I could not let go. Now, I thank God for the Christian friends that were bold and compassionate enough to help me break off the relationship.

An additional perspective from the bible is that two people come together in marriage and the marriage covenant is binding (Malachi 2:14; Hebrews 13:4). This bond carries a lot of implications about who we chose to make a marriage covenant with. Christians should take this bond seriously and that is why the process before marriage is so valuable. It is so important to know about certain qualities that we may not be able to endure or that we really desire from a mate. However, I am not talking about subtle qualities, such as playing with their hair too much. I am talking more about waiting a relationship out, as much as necessary, to leave room for discernment of warning signs for marriage. All things can be worked out when two people have committed themselves to loving each other, but the point of dating is to avoid bad surprises. It is not pleasant to discover a negative past or awful quality about another person after a marriage commitment is made, especially if you take the marriage bond seriously. It is wise to avoid bitterness for a future marriage.

The bible says that God will direct our steps when we trust in Him (Proverbs 3:5-6). God doesn’t give us any dating guidelines, but He has much to say to us about life in Him. The biblical perspective on dating is to live for God, no matter what we do (1 Corinthians 10:31).

As a single Christian, you may have pondered about whether you are spiritually ready for a dating relationship. Perhaps you came here looking for some Christian dating advice on the subject. I have found myself unsure of the topic many times. I have concluded on many occasions, after dating relationships have ended, that I am not ready because the dates don’t seem to develop into longer-lasting relationships. I thought, there must be a reason. I was not sure what being ready meant but I thought, God must know what He’s doing. However, I couldn’t help but feel a little worthless at times. I have thought maybe something is wrong with me, and that God has someone for me but I was, somehow, messing up His plan by getting too nervous or excited in the dating process. All the while, I have tried to be content in God, while keeping a door open to the eligible mates that might pop into my life. But, what do we do when we meet and click with someone? As the dating decisions start, how can we know if we are spiritually ready to start a dating relationship with someone (whatever our definition of dating may be)?

Generally speaking, dating is another form of a relationship. We have friends, work colleagues, marriages, and, most importantly, our relationship with God. Each relationship’s degree of intimacy takes the effort of both parties to develop and maintain. In the case of dating, the effort that goes into the relationship is based on our dating definitions. There is no biblical answer to how we should date; yet, the spiritual welfare of our brother and sister in Christ should always be of importance. Some people may say that dating is a friendship that can develop into something more serious if all goes well; others take a more conservative stance, involving families and a preparation for marriage. Being ready for the latter would mean much more preparation, before a dating commitment is made, than it would take for being ready for a less serious dating relationship commitment. Whatever perspective someone has on dating can play a key role in being ready.

I would say that there is a difference between being generally ready and being spiritually ready to date someone. General readiness is a subjective term; it usually means being physically or emotionally ready in the world’s eyes and can include things such as finished school, having time to maintain the relationship, or having an understanding about what a pure Christian dating relationship looks like. I would say that spiritual readiness is more important and should be developed, regardless of our dating definitions. An understanding of our identity in Christ, before getting intimately involved with another person, is key to being spiritually ready. I would also define spiritual readiness as being ready to love someone else, including all the things that 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says about love. Take a moment to read it now. You may be thinking that this type of love is hard to find or that it takes time to develop, so how can we be spiritually ready to love someone in a dating relationship? The catch is that this scripture describes God’s love for us, and only when we have met God and understand His love for us, personally, are we ready to be vessels of the same love. In other words, God is able to use us to show His love for another human being. Of course, love grows and develops through the dating process; nevertheless, being spiritually ready to love someone, as well as having a clear understanding of our identity in Christ, is great preparation for Christian dating relationships.

Is internet dating biblical? To answer this question, let us first reflect on both the internet and our beliefs about dating.

First of all, let me start by pointing out that the internet is one of the common forms of communication, which includes telephone, letters, and face to face communications. However, I would go beyond that and call the internet more of a virtual world, rather than just another form of communication; the internet gives us the ability to communicate via all the methods we use to communicate in actual life (for example, e-mail as a form of mail correspondence, and skype as a form of telephone or face to face interaction).

What I want to do is get you thinking about whether you morally accept these virtual forms of communication versus the actual forms. Internet dating is becoming more popular. More singles are using these websites every year. Some people argue that the internet is not real and that it allows people the ability to make a false positive image. We are unable to see the real person. I would argue, though, that people naturally do this in real life. We have a tendency to put on a good face in order to make a positive impression in front of people, especially in front of people we just meet. Yet, I agree that it is easier to hide our true personality online. We can also screen people virtually without the obligation or commitment to an actual date. However, we should keep in mind that about half of our communication is body language. If we are chatting with someone online, not only can individuals make a different image of themselves, but individuals can misinterpret text and smiley faces into being more or less intimate than they are meant to be. I encourage that after getting to know each other to a comfortable level, that the online chatting be kept to a minimum, or combined with real-world interaction.

Next, let’s reflect on dating, Christian dating, in particular. There are no clear christian dating advice about dating or courtship in the bible. Culture has been setting the norms for these practices. In history, and many cultures today, the community has been a key part in dating practice. The western world has typically been more autonomous. We have to remember that there is a worldly culture and a biblical culture. The worldly culture can have elements of what is good and biblical. Some cultural practices are clearly unbiblical, while others are neutral things and the choice to do them is based on ones preference; other practices are much more complex and chosen based on biblical principles and situation-specific factors. I would argue that internet dating falls into the latter category; it can be biblical or non-biblical, depending on how it’s used.

Regardless of the cultural norms in how people come together, trusting God’s sovereignty in the process is a biblical principle we should follow. We should be careful and guard our hearts in the process, especially with internet connections. Include the counsel of church leaders and mature Christian friends. We should not let our desires and emotions steer us into making decisions out of impatience. God brings people together in His timing (Psalm 31:15) and to a degree of intimacy that He determines. Trusting God in this area means giving our desire to find a mate to God, letting it rest in His hands.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 (NIV)

The phrase, “background check,” has a negative connotation. I am sure most of us get nervous when we think that someone we are dating would check our history or interview people close to us. When we are dating someone, we are, of course, interested in everything about them. However, if we were to go ahead and conduct a “background check,” it would be like going against our dating partner’s trust. Most of us would call it “snooping.”

That is the extreme perspective of background checks. Let’s pause and define background check for the purposes of this article. It is more accurate to call it a “context check” because the word “background” seems to express history. On the other hand, “context” includes information about a person’s history, family, and friendships. It involves asking questions to your date, as well as people close to him/her. Background checks are commonly and unconsciously conducted by us in dating relationships. While dating, we are in a continual background check process, usually asking each other questions about each other. Many times, we are acquainted with our date’s friends and family. We could actively ask questions, or we may find ourselves listening in on stories or information about our dating partner.

I would encourage such behavior! I would even encourage a few family, friends, and pastors that you trust be involved in this part of the dating process, if not the whole dating process. They should be mature and be able to maintain the dating atmosphere that you prefer. Now, I know that our western culture cringes at the thought of involving other people in our relationship. It is not critical to have these people involved, but it is beneficial. It provides a door for openness, safety and a second perspective on the background of your date. The timing and intensity of questions should be prayerfully considered. Respect your dating partner’s privacy and maintain a trusting relationship; ask the private and sensitive questions directly to your date and be mindful of how openly you discuss those sensitive topics with people who are close to them.

The degree, speed, and depth of background checks are based on individuals and their relationships. Everybody is different and the same applies to dating relationships. We should remember that our pasts do not govern who we are in Christ now; it only provides clues to all sorts of things in a person’s life. The examples of situations are too varied and numerous to write about in this article. Having discernment and wisdom about what we learn about each other can be difficult and clouded by our emotions. That is why including mature Christians in our dating process is so important. They can provide you with the Christian dating advice you can’t get anywhere else. Your date’s history should not be criteria for judging a possible future with him/her, if we have been saved and are pursuing a relationship with Christ.

The most important is that both partners be seeking God and His will for their lives. No matter, what information we find out about each other, we should be walking in step with God’s love and forgiveness, in addition to Godly wisdom.

It’s hard to find good Christian dating advice, but let me try to give some anyway. I am sure most of us, at one point or another, have longed for someone to share this life with. A thirst for relationship is something God has built into our souls. In John 7:37-38, Jesus addresses this longing: “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.”

I have heard this longing being expressed as an emptiness that only God can fill. This emptiness is our soul’s longing for our Maker. We can choose to fulfill it in different ways, and, may I dare say, those ways are idols: things that take the place of our relationship with God. Many of us don’t like to think we have idols in our lives. We think that idols are obvious sins that we can clearly see. However, less obvious, fun and good things (such as TV, food, video games, sports, school, and, of course, the opposite sex) can become idols in our lives. They are not sins, but they become sins if they become the focus of our lives.

Let’s focus on the opposite sex idol. Many of us tend to misinterpret our soul’s longing for our Maker and go on a search for a soul mate. I can honestly say that I have caught myself, many times, putting my longing for a mate above God. I have many friends who have struggled with the same. I hate to bring disappointment; there is no man or woman that can satisfy our soul’s desire for perfect love. Men and women in our lives will surely disappoint us. Putting those high expectations on another human being is not only burdensome, but hurtful to both people in a relationship. We are not perfect and human relationships are not all bliss. We stumble and let each other down many times. We even struggle with forgiveness and love for each other. The only One who has not stumbled in sin is Jesus Christ, and He is able and willing to heal and satisfy our hearts. What an amazing grace!

He loves you so much. Come close to Him and He will satisfy you (Psalm 37:4). Whether single or dating, or just starting a relationship, let Him lead you, one step at a time. In any of your friendship or dating decisions, develop your relationship with God, first. Learn to trust in His promises. One promise is that if you have surrendered your life to Him, you will be in step with Him (Romans 8:28). Do not fret whether you have surrendered everything because His Holy Spirit will lead you steps at a time. You do not have to control the path of your relationships. Here’s my Christian dating advice – Surrender, walk with God, and take the steps you are led to take.