Are you in a dating relationship and finding yourself in a cycle of more and more physical contact? I mean the physical contact that leads to and includes premarital sex. The problem is that not many Christians talk openly about these issues. These struggles happen more often than we want to think or admit and many are looking for some Christian dating advice on this subject.
Some of us have been blessed with circumstances and people in our lives that create a less tempting environment around us. One circumstance can be the family we grew up in. For example, fathers. Some of us have Christian fathers, while others of us have unbelieving fathers or no fathers at all. I would hope most Christian fathers understand their role in God’s perspective. A father’s job is to reflect God’s love for His children; he should be a source of God’s blessing, love, and protection for them.
You’re probably wondering why I am bringing up Christian fathers when I should be talking about premarital sex. Before I go into premarital sex, I want you to think about some things, including whether you have had a Godly father figure in your life. If you have, great! If you haven’t, don’t be disappointed. The good news is that all of us have access to a perfect Father in heaven, and our worldly circumstances just mean that we may struggle with conceiving our heavenly Father’s character, His thoughts and His plans for us. In addition to fathers, consider other circumstances or people that have had an influence in your life (for example, aspects of your family life, what you watch on TV, whether you have spiritually mature Christian friends/mentors, and whether you have engaged in worldly dating before coming to Christ).
Now you may be thinking, “Get to the point! Why are you talking about circumstances and people of influence in my life?” I want to say that circumstances and people of influence have a huge role in how you view God and yourself, and the decisions you make as a result of that view; this includes why you and your dating partner were lead to make the choices you have made in your relationship. If you are in a cycle of more and more physical contact with your dating partner, chances are that you both need to sit down and set some physical boundaries. Think about any impure choices made with your dating partner. Then, consider the things that serve as dangers or safeguards for temptations for doing those things again. In considering the circumstances and people in your life, I hope you can see where to set physical boundaries between yourself and your dating partner. For example, one of you may have engaged in premarital sex in the past, and a simple kiss can easily get you in the mood to go further. The boundary you may want to set is only allowing kissing each other’s faces (and not lips), or not kissing at all. Seeking out a mature Christian friend or leader in the church, who can provide accountability and guidance for you, is also a wise step to take. I encourage both partners to seek out a spiritually mature role model (or mentor) of the same sex, one that you can be honest with.
Let me finish by saying God loves you. You are His child, and there is no condemnation when you humbly come to Him for forgiveness. Forgive yourself also, and let His love and grace transform your life.
But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 1 Corinthians 6:11 (NIV)
