by Vicky on October 26, 2009
Are you wondering if it’s God’s will that you should marry the person you are dating? This article will try to give you some Christian advice on how to decide on marriage and how long to wait before making that decision.
The first and foremost thing you should do is pray. If you have made a commitment to pursuing a relationship with God, I hope that you already spend regular time in prayer and seeking His guidance for your life. If you do not regularly pray or are not sure how to seek God, it is not too late to start. As John Piper puts it, ‘seeking God’ means seeking His presence. I encourage you to click on the link above and read this short article before moving on. It may help you in seeking God’s will for you in the spouse area.
The second thing to do is to ask God for spiritual discernment so that you can make a wise decision about marriage. The marriage covenant is a binding commitment and should be taken seriously by Christians (Malachi 2:14; Hebrews 13:4). We need to have God’s discernment both in who to date, who to make a marriage commitment with, as well as how long to wait before being married. I believe that the decision process toward marriage can start right away, at the start of a dating relationship. I recommend waiting a while before making the final decision, but the clues towards the decision can be collected from the start of a dating relationship. Each person is different. Some people wear their heart (good and bad qualities) on their sleeve, so it’s much quicker to get to know them, while some people can be closed and you may only know good qualities about them for a long time. Most of us have, at least, some struggles. If you only know good qualities about your dating partner, do not proceed to the marriage commitments before getting to know, at least some, negative qualities. All things can be worked out when two people have committed themselves to loving each other, but the point of dating is to avoid the surprises. It can be so hurtful to discover a negative past or awful quality about another person after a marriage commitment is made, especially if you take the marriage bond seriously.
It is also wise to seek out the spiritual counsel of mature Christian friends or leaders that you know, preferably those people that know both you and your partner well. Involve them from the start of your relationship so that, once the marriage decisions begin, it would be easier for your Christian mentors to give knowledgeable advice. Aside from accountability, involving these people can be very helpful in seeing your relationship in a Christian perspective, minus all the emotions.
So, the answer to how to make a decision for marriage and how long to wait before making that decision can be a summarized like this: seek God, seek Godly discernment throughout the dating process (bearing in mind that the marriage bond is serious), and involve spiritually mature Christians. Above all, seek God and pursue a relationship with Him first.
by Vicky on October 24, 2009
Are you in a dating relationship and finding yourself in a cycle of more and more physical contact? I mean the physical contact that leads to and includes premarital sex. The problem is that not many Christians talk openly about these issues. These struggles happen more often than we want to think or admit and many are looking for some Christian dating advice on this subject.
Some of us have been blessed with circumstances and people in our lives that create a less tempting environment around us. One circumstance can be the family we grew up in. For example, fathers. Some of us have Christian fathers, while others of us have unbelieving fathers or no fathers at all. I would hope most Christian fathers understand their role in God’s perspective. A father’s job is to reflect God’s love for His children; he should be a source of God’s blessing, love, and protection for them.
You’re probably wondering why I am bringing up Christian fathers when I should be talking about premarital sex. Before I go into premarital sex, I want you to think about some things, including whether you have had a Godly father figure in your life. If you have, great! If you haven’t, don’t be disappointed. The good news is that all of us have access to a perfect Father in heaven, and our worldly circumstances just mean that we may struggle with conceiving our heavenly Father’s character, His thoughts and His plans for us. In addition to fathers, consider other circumstances or people that have had an influence in your life (for example, aspects of your family life, what you watch on TV, whether you have spiritually mature Christian friends/mentors, and whether you have engaged in worldly dating before coming to Christ).
Now you may be thinking, “Get to the point! Why are you talking about circumstances and people of influence in my life?” I want to say that circumstances and people of influence have a huge role in how you view God and yourself, and the decisions you make as a result of that view; this includes why you and your dating partner were lead to make the choices you have made in your relationship. If you are in a cycle of more and more physical contact with your dating partner, chances are that you both need to sit down and set some physical boundaries. Think about any impure choices made with your dating partner. Then, consider the things that serve as dangers or safeguards for temptations for doing those things again. In considering the circumstances and people in your life, I hope you can see where to set physical boundaries between yourself and your dating partner. For example, one of you may have engaged in premarital sex in the past, and a simple kiss can easily get you in the mood to go further. The boundary you may want to set is only allowing kissing each other’s faces (and not lips), or not kissing at all. Seeking out a mature Christian friend or leader in the church, who can provide accountability and guidance for you, is also a wise step to take. I encourage both partners to seek out a spiritually mature role model (or mentor) of the same sex, one that you can be honest with.
Let me finish by saying God loves you. You are His child, and there is no condemnation when you humbly come to Him for forgiveness. Forgive yourself also, and let His love and grace transform your life.
But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 1 Corinthians 6:11 (NIV)